Perception vs Reality

It’s a funny thing, this thing called life. We all wake up every day, we often assess how we look before how we feel. If we don’t look the way we desire then we feel disheartened. If we don’t wake up next to someone we love we either feel independent or we feel alone.

So what do we do? We place a smile on our faces, we say “good” when people ask how we are. We put the show on that we know people expect and we give them the energy they are used to receiving.

I have this thing called my monthly breakdown. Yes, I am a female but let’s not assume it’s in sync with my hormones for a moment and hear me out because it’s (sometimes) not always due to that. Every day I bring my Meg Energy to the places I go and the people I interact with, which I LOVE, most of the time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. I love the people in it, I love what I do and how I make people feel. But sometimes life, and people are bloody exhausting!

My life and what I show the world is by no means a lie, I pride myself on being authentic and those that have earned my trust get to see all sides of me.

However, I am aware that we all look at people and have a perception that is not necessarily reality. I do it often, I compare myself to those I strive to be like, whether it be in a career, love life or just general “living Barry”. So to help me, and others, breakthrough and stop comparing, I thought I would give my life as an example of what people's perception of me is vs what my reality is.

“Your business is doing so well” - Yes thank you it is, however, I work 45-50+ hours a week often until 11 pm or at 4 am before training. I work hard but I’m more often tired than not.

“Your life is so interesting and fun” - I am certainly blessed but I also hustle every day, I feel tired and confused and still haven’t worked out the balance of saying yes to myself and no to others.

“You’re so body confident” - Thank you but I don’t feel it, I’ve battled with body anxiety and dysmorphia for years and still do. I’ve suffered from psoriasis ongoing and have had to hide my body without letting people know the discomfort it causes my mind as much as my body. You’d be surprised how many people that flaunt bikini pics on socials are in the same boat.

“You’re so happy all the time” - Correction, I am optimistic all the time, not happy all the time. I suppress emotions and then feel them all at once, this is something I’m working on every day but I accept it’s who I am. I also exercise and take antidepressants to ensure I’m managing my emotions rather than having them manage me.

“You are so sweet/kind” - Hmmm honey, you should hear me on the phone whilst driving or in the shops and in meetings. I hate slow walkers, talkers and drivers, and trust me, that side of me ain’t sweet.

“You’re so independent” - Yes that’s partly to do with not having family in the same state as me, having a busy schedule and having a lovely fear of rejection. Most of the time I love being alone and in my own company, but a lot of the time, I feel lonely and want that one person that’s mine and I’m theirs.

I don’t like having a problem without a solution and I certainly didn’t start writing this piece to just rant, as much as I love good rants. So here are my tips on how to lead an authentic life that you can be comfortable with, if not proud of. And if you are like me and you balance highly contrastual (not a word but I just made it one) personas, hopefully, this helps.

My tips on boxes to tick in life:

• Be productive, tick off the To-Do Lists, and get shit done, but also have down time and sometimes you need A LOT of downtime

• Talk to people and engage them with your sensational energy, but be okay to also not talk and just be alone (for as long as you need)

• Give your energy and learnings to people, but choose those people wisely and make sure they give it back

• Exercise and move that beautiful body, but also be a slob some days and binge Netflix and bloody chill

• Be strong yet be vulnerable, show people all the sides of you that they have earned

• Be kind and full of heart, but know that you’re allowed to feel frustrated and have your rants

• Be so high on life and embrace its beauty, but please, don’t despise the lows, they make you appreciate those highs

As my dad says, any positive and step forward is a positive and a step forward. So be kind to yourself, and let’s ride those waves together darling.

Okay, that’s my rant and advice piece done. If you have one takeaway from this, let it be that you are incredible because you are YOU. Don’t be afraid of all sides of you, they are why you are one hell of a complete package.