I-So-Lonely

As isolation has drawn to an end for most of us (sorry Melbourne), I can’t help but reflect. 

Isolation for most single people (and some in relationships) was quite a...mmmm...frustrating time. It caused a few of us to crave… intimacy and affection and perhaps even love. It was confronting. It was a forced time to sit and think and that’s not always something many of us are comfortable with.

Personally it made me see that maybe there is a gap in my life I had not seen before because I was too busy filling it with busy, empty tasks. Let’s be real, it made a lot of single people pretty hot and heavy but what’s more I think it made us see that as humans  it’s only natural to want that one person, your person, to be with through life’s ups and downs (and a pandemic is one hell of a down). 

Although I have grown more in the last few months than ever before, I can honestly say I felt lonelier in the last few months than ever before.

Truth time? One morning (or maybe two) I even sat on my floor, I meditated, I felt and I cried about this “emptiness”.

I cried because I had filled my time and emptiness looking for lovers not for love. I cried because the last person I loved could never truly be mine because it turned out, he was already someone else’s. And instead of dealing with this pain, I put it to the side and busied myself with other things and other people. But isolation gave me the space and the time to face a lot of things. 

Distractions such as banana bread baking and tik tok video making can only last so long before we cave and face truths we may have been avoiding.

So here are some of the truths I found.

The Power is in YOU:

One of my best friends and I check our star sign app religiously everyday. It breaks your day up into where you will have power and where you will have struggles. 

Whenever we both have “power in sex and love” we laugh and send each other a screenshot. We are two of the most single pringles out there so to see this update we find it quite amusing. Power in routine? Sure my inner Virgo OCD queen gets this. Power in creativity? Heck yes let me write it all out or make pretty things. But power in sex and love? Come on Universe I don’t need a reminder the only thing I spoon is the ice cream out of the tub each night. 

However, through this time of isolation we both came to the realisation that perhaps we do in fact have power in this area, but the power is with our relationship with ourselves. We are both fiercely independent and have spent a lot of time and energy working on our relationships with ourselves so why is it such a shock or such a bad thing that we actually have power in this area? This isn’t a cry for feminism or “Males suck, females win”. It’s simply finding power in yourself as you are, without any labels attached.

Do not compromise, settle or devalue yourself:

It’s often so easy for us to settle when we want love, attention or intimacy, it's easy to confuse lust for love or worse, to stay and settle for something which does not make us happy, because of the fear of being alone and seeing what other people “have”. 

In this time, this space in isolation allowed me to think about what I truly wanted and where I want to be in life. I know that if I want to get there, I need to let go of the past hurt because that is what will hold me back from experiencing real, deep, meaningful love, one that is for me and only me. Sure I have not completely healed by simply having one mini cry on the floor but I have opened up the process. 

The true test is to stay true to yourself, stay true to what you want and where you want to go. The key is to hold strong, hold on to what you know even when you know it’s going to be a little bit tougher. 

Listen to what this time told you about your relationship or your relationship with yourself:

It is confronting being alone but alone is where we face our pasts and heal.

For me - yes at times I feel lonely but at the same time I can’t rush into something just for the sake of having a plus one. Being alone does not mean being lonely and even when you are alone, you are enough just as you are, that extra person is simply going to be cream on the top of an already delightful pie.

Iso opened my eyes to gaps I had, to see that perhaps it was time to let my guard down but still to be careful as to who I gave my energy to. It showed me the gaps in my relationship with myself and where I needed to reflect and grow (apparently I am not perfect?!). 

To end this piece I want to put a challenge out there to each of you, whether you are single or in a relationship.

My challenge is to find space and sit and just be. Stop doing and start being. Whether it is going to a beach, library, mountain, park for a day, week, an hour, just go and stop doing and start being. Sit with your demons, sit with your thoughts.

You will find, just like a deep stretch, that if you sit in these thoughts for long enough they will start to ease, the comfort and healing will come as will that sweet release as you finally let go.

Isolation may be over but you will always have times in life where you are alone. And if you let it you will see, those moments are full of growth and beauty, those moments are when we can truly just be.

PS - if you ever need a little reminder on how kick ass being single is - go back to my “bread basket for one” piece cause that lists out the pros of being a single pringle for you!

Until next time,

MDW

x